May 7, 2016
This day started like any other spring day. I had made plans to go turkey hunting, and I was looking forward to it. I had about two weeks left in my first year at college, and I knew I could use a break. My spot was about a two hour drive from my house. I woke up around 3am and headed out. Little did I know that this day would change my life forever.
My wife was two months pregnant at the time, and man, was I excited. In my mind I was having a boy and I could already see myself coaching his little league team. I wasn’t like most of my friends; most had kids at a young age, whereas I had just turned 30. Everything seemed perfect.
I spent a few hours in the woods with no luck. I had been working on calling a gobbler in when a random dog started barking in the distance and scared him away. I decided that that was probably my best shot for the day so I packed up to head back to my truck. I texted my wife that I was leaving. She said that she wasn’t feeling well, but that she would be ok and would see me soon.
We spent the rest of the day just doing nothing, trying to enjoy a relaxing Saturday. As the day went on, my wife’s discomfort started to grow. She began complaining that her stomach hurt. At around 930pm we decided to drive an hour to the emergency room. It was probably nothing, but no doctors offices were open that late and we wanted to put our minds at ease.
We arrived, signed in, and were quickly taken to a room. We were met by our nurse, who, to this very day, still makes me angry when I think about her. After we told her about why we were there, she told us that we were overreacting, and that we were wasting her time, and that we were probably stupid and had sex and that’s why my wife was in pain. But nevertheless, she would send the OBGYN.
A little while later, he arrived, ultrasound machine in tow. He seemed optimistic. But then it happened. He searched and searched, but all I saw was a blank screen. A blank screen where there should have been something. He slowly turned and apologized, and he informed my wife that she had had a miscarriage.
I really wish that I could remember his name. He spent the next hour with us, talking as if we were old friends. And honestly, that act of kindness is probably the reason I didn’t drive my truck straight into a tree that night. He eventually left us to deal with our grief, and it was bad. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe, and I had to pick my wife up off the floor. I punched the fender on my truck until my fingers bled, and I still couldn’t calm myself down.
Eventually we made it home. We tried to sleep, which didn’t really pan out. We knew we had to begin notifying people, and that seemed like a daunting task. The emotion of sadness had passed, and I felt stupid all of a sudden. We had spent two months telling everyone how excited we were, and now we had to tell them that it wasn’t happening.
It was an extremely hard event to get over. A few months later we became pregnant again, and I was confident that we would be ok this time. Wrong. But I guess I had cried all I could after the first one, this time I only felt anger, and the thought of, well that’s just my luck I guess.
But 3rd time’s a charm I suppose. After two hard fought battles, we finally gave birth to an amazing and beautiful baby girl on March 12, 2018. I don’t even care that she’s not a boy, I wouldn’t trade her for anything.
Having her has helped me to deal with the past. I realize that two years ago doesn’t matter, but right here, right now, does. Her laugh can cure the baddest of moods, and her smile takes away any sadness I’m feeling. While I may never forget, the experience has helped me get to where I am today, and I’ll never take my daughter for granted
* Guys, it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to feel, and it’s ok to be upset. I tried to be strong and tough through it, but I found out pretty quick that I’m not. It’s ok if you need someone to talk to, it’s ok to get mad, it’s ok to drink a beer or several. Just let it out and let it go, don’t hold it in like I did👍
Our little but loud family. 