Stress

I’m so fucking stressed. I’m exhausted but not tired. I feel alone but have no desire to leave my house. I hate everything about myself but have no willpower to change my weight or attitude lately.Is this what it means to have “depression”? I don’t know. It’s been drilled into head to ‘just get over it’ so much that I have no idea how to even be depressed correctly. 🙄 I wouldn’t even know how to talk about it with someone because everything just seems so trivial to be miserable about separately. It’s just all piled so high and fast that I can’t handle it anymore. I’m miserable to my family. I can’t deal with anything and its beyond frustrating coming from someone who ran off of stress because it always used to inspire me to push myself further. Now it just makes me want to sit on my couch and do nothing. Ever.Today I cried for no reason. That happens a lot lately though. It got set off today because of a stupid post someone made and I attempted to make a joke and somehow managed to offend everyone. That turned into a disaster. All it did was make me rethink wanting to move back to our hometown and all the drama I ran away from almost 10 years ago. I want to delete Facebook, go off the grid, and not deal with anything. But I can’t do that because that would spiral me further into the dark abyss that I call my life.Don’t get me wrong. I love my family, my husband and kids, I would give up everything to make sure they never hurt. And some days I can handle it better, I force myself to leave the house and do things. I force myself to take our 1yr old for walks every day to TRY to focus on something other than my misery.So, I’ll just leave this here because sometimes you just need to be reminded…